Just want to say Happy Anniversary to the bravest woman I know. Brave? Yes, Brave, you have managed to stick with me for four years. Thank you for putting up with me for the past four years. I know it hasn't been easy. You are a wonderful wife. You are a wonderful mother too. I love you !!!!!!!
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Wally World Entertainment Guide
If you are anything like me, you spend a good deal of time making Sam Walton's beneficiaries even richer than they are now. Most of the time you fill your cart and go to check out, and there are only two or three lines open. It's gonna be another long wait.
Why not have some fun in the process? Here are some things to occupy your time. (Once again, I wont be able to provide bail money so be carefull :) )
Follow people around as they shop staying about ten feet from them at all times. Do this until they leave the department.
Walk up to an employee and say "I think we have a code 3 in hardware"
Fill up complete shopping carts, leave them sitting in different areas
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at five minute intervals
Turn all the radios to a classical music station, then turn them off and set the volume to maximum
Walk up to the automatic doors. When they open, step backwards and stare in awe. When others walk through, gasp in amazement
Walk up to complete strangers and say "Hey there stranger! I haven't seen you in ages!" See if they play along.
Pay off layaway items a quarter at a time
When any anouncement comes over the intercom, roll up in the fetal position and cry out "nooo....it's those voices again"
Ride a bicycle through the store until stopped, tell the clerk you don't buy anything without a test drive
Go to the Health and Beauty section and practice you'r vitamin juggling skills
Test the fishing poles, see what you can catch from the next isle
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with their cart without saying a word. Leave it two isles over.
Why not have some fun in the process? Here are some things to occupy your time. (Once again, I wont be able to provide bail money so be carefull :) )
Follow people around as they shop staying about ten feet from them at all times. Do this until they leave the department.
Walk up to an employee and say "I think we have a code 3 in hardware"
Fill up complete shopping carts, leave them sitting in different areas
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at five minute intervals
Turn all the radios to a classical music station, then turn them off and set the volume to maximum
Walk up to the automatic doors. When they open, step backwards and stare in awe. When others walk through, gasp in amazement
Walk up to complete strangers and say "Hey there stranger! I haven't seen you in ages!" See if they play along.
Pay off layaway items a quarter at a time
When any anouncement comes over the intercom, roll up in the fetal position and cry out "nooo....it's those voices again"
Ride a bicycle through the store until stopped, tell the clerk you don't buy anything without a test drive
Go to the Health and Beauty section and practice you'r vitamin juggling skills
Test the fishing poles, see what you can catch from the next isle
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with their cart without saying a word. Leave it two isles over.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I'm dot nrunk occiffer!
From time to time I watch the t.v. show "cops". It constantly amazes me the stupidity with which people react when confronted with a uniform and flashing lights. O.k. first you'r dealing with a person here who carries a pistol on their hip and can put you in lockup with bubba the buttranger. Aside from that the fines can add up to the point where you;ll need to get a second job {provided you have a first job that is} just to pay for it. You would think these guys would come up with at least believable lies to try to get out of the situations they are in. So, in an effort to help keep bubba's visitor book from overflowing I am listing these suggestions as:
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER SAY WHEN PULLED OVER
I didn't realize my radar detector was off
Wow, you must've been doing about 120 to keep up with me
My taxes pay you'r salary
Hmmmm, I thought you had to be in pretty good shape to be a cop
My license? Sure, mind holdin my beer while I get it out? (As far as I know this is still acceptable in Texas and West Virginia)
Loved you in the village people
You aren't going to search the trunk are you?
I'm just trying to keep up with traffic. I know I'm the only one here.......that's how far ahead the rest of the cars are.
You wouldn't know anyone in need of a dozen "hot -n- now" donuts would you?
O.K. , so you caught me speeding, wanna try best out of three?
Pretend to be gay, ask him out.
When he says no, cry.
If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harrassment.
After you sign the ticket, hand it back and ask for another copy because you signed the wrong name.
Bet you can't keep up with me now that your on foot. (Drive away)
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER SAY WHEN PULLED OVER
I didn't realize my radar detector was off
Wow, you must've been doing about 120 to keep up with me
My taxes pay you'r salary
Hmmmm, I thought you had to be in pretty good shape to be a cop
My license? Sure, mind holdin my beer while I get it out? (As far as I know this is still acceptable in Texas and West Virginia)
Loved you in the village people
You aren't going to search the trunk are you?
I'm just trying to keep up with traffic. I know I'm the only one here.......that's how far ahead the rest of the cars are.
You wouldn't know anyone in need of a dozen "hot -n- now" donuts would you?
O.K. , so you caught me speeding, wanna try best out of three?
Pretend to be gay, ask him out.
When he says no, cry.
If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harrassment.
After you sign the ticket, hand it back and ask for another copy because you signed the wrong name.
Bet you can't keep up with me now that your on foot. (Drive away)
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Monday, January 10, 2005
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Elevator Games for the Demented
I don't know about the rest of you, but I hate elevators. It seems that every time I get on one, it has to stop on every floor. We need a better form of amusement during this vertical snooze. Here are some suggestions to make your ride more enjoyable.
(Not responsible for detrimental reactions to your reputation up to and including arrest and/or psychiatric committal.
(Not responsible for detrimental reactions to your reputation up to and including arrest and/or psychiatric committal.
- Hum the theme to jaws on each floor until the door opens.
- announce each floor loudly ....... follow with "all aboard"
- stand quietly in the corner without moving facing the wall without getting off
- when anyone brushes against you, move away quickly saying "bad touch, bad touch"
- keep a hand in your pocket, smile the whole time, hiss periodically
- bring a small desk and chair, ask all who enter if they have an appointment
- grimace, smack your forehead, periodically whisper "shut up, I'm not doing that"
- make small race car noises as people get off or on
- wear a tuxedo print shirt and when people try to get on say "that will be $4.50 please
- open your breifcase and ask "got enough air in there?"
- when you arrive at a floor grunt and groan while trying to open the elevator door, act surprised when it opens itself
- wear a sock puppet and talk to other passengers through it
Have fun,
For my single friends.
HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED!
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, you should probably throw out the eggs
Expiration dates are not a marketing ploy to make you throw away good food and buy more.
Now dairy products spoil easily. They are also what I call chain spoilers. It is time to throw them out when;
the milk looks like yogurt
the yogurt looks like cottage cheese
the cottage cheese looks like regular cheese
the regular cheese looks like blue cheese dressing
When freezer items become an integral part of your defrosting problem you should probably toss those too........If they arent freezer burned...they will be destroyed anyway from prying it up with a butter knife.
Any item that has grown hair.......unless your last name is dahmer.....toss it.
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, you should probably throw out the eggs
Expiration dates are not a marketing ploy to make you throw away good food and buy more.
Now dairy products spoil easily. They are also what I call chain spoilers. It is time to throw them out when;
the milk looks like yogurt
the yogurt looks like cottage cheese
the cottage cheese looks like regular cheese
the regular cheese looks like blue cheese dressing
When freezer items become an integral part of your defrosting problem you should probably toss those too........If they arent freezer burned...they will be destroyed anyway from prying it up with a butter knife.
Any item that has grown hair.......unless your last name is dahmer.....toss it.
Friday, January 07, 2005
To all people/companies that inundate me with spam mail
Thank you for taking an interest in me. Regretfully I must inform you of a few things however:
1. My penis is just fine, thank you for asking.
2. I don't need any medication at this time, and if I do in the future I think I will buy it from someone that can actually spell the name of the medication.
3. I already have a diploma (and by the way I have never seen it spelled with a 1 in the middle.
4. Pretending to be the institute that I bank with, WOW, that's admirable. No you can't have my account number.
5. Women partying with farm animals is sooooooo 1990's.
6. "Your pc is infected"...no it isnt. My computer is living in antivirus paradise. It wont even open .exe files moronicus.
7. Re:????? I never sent you an e-mail. Return the favor.
Bite me very much,
1. My penis is just fine, thank you for asking.
2. I don't need any medication at this time, and if I do in the future I think I will buy it from someone that can actually spell the name of the medication.
3. I already have a diploma (and by the way I have never seen it spelled with a 1 in the middle.
4. Pretending to be the institute that I bank with, WOW, that's admirable. No you can't have my account number.
5. Women partying with farm animals is sooooooo 1990's.
6. "Your pc is infected"...no it isnt. My computer is living in antivirus paradise. It wont even open .exe files moronicus.
7. Re:????? I never sent you an e-mail. Return the favor.
Bite me very much,
The world is NOT a trashcan!!!
O.K. This is one of my pet peeves and was brought to light strongly for me today. While driving between job sites, a black ford f250 blows by me and the passenger threw out what appeared to be a half eaten sandwich complete with silver foil wrapper. The food I can get over, ants and other animals will consume that in short fashion. What I can't stand is the blatant disregard shown by;
1. They were in the passing lane and almost caused a wreck because the rubbish landed on my hood and the car behind me swerved when they saw it. I guess they thought I would swerve too.
2. The wrapper will take anywhere from several months to several years to decompose, and just adds to the litter from other inconsiderate people who do this same thing.
I would just like to say one thing to these guys, and to all who follow this example.
THE WORLD IS NOT YOUR TRASH CAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not perfect, far from it. But I can say, and my wife will attest, any trash or paper that we generate stays in the car until we get home. Then it goes in the house trash can.........eventually. She has had to chase me out of the house to go clean the car out a couple of times actually. Now I know many of you are tired of hearing how we must protect our environment...blah this....blah that.....clean the water. We hear it all the time, and I agree with the idea of protecting our environment. I am not even talking from this standpoint in this instance however.
I am going to come from the standpoint of safety. As long as there are people driving there will be accidents. It is a fact of life, we are human, and mistakes will happen. Some accidents can be prevented. This inconsiderate (expletive deleted) passenger could have caused either me or the car behind me to drive into the ditch, or careen into another vehicle trying to avoid the rubbish they ejected. In other words this one act could have hurt someone. Now. I ask you this. What if in one of those vehicles..........the passengers......just happened to be a child. Maybe even your child. How would you feel about littering then. This has happened. And will happen again I'm sure. But it doesn't have to.
I make this call to everyone who reads this......If you see someone littering, ask them to stop. The life you save could be someone you love.
Until next time,
Peace
1. They were in the passing lane and almost caused a wreck because the rubbish landed on my hood and the car behind me swerved when they saw it. I guess they thought I would swerve too.
2. The wrapper will take anywhere from several months to several years to decompose, and just adds to the litter from other inconsiderate people who do this same thing.
I would just like to say one thing to these guys, and to all who follow this example.
THE WORLD IS NOT YOUR TRASH CAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not perfect, far from it. But I can say, and my wife will attest, any trash or paper that we generate stays in the car until we get home. Then it goes in the house trash can.........eventually. She has had to chase me out of the house to go clean the car out a couple of times actually. Now I know many of you are tired of hearing how we must protect our environment...blah this....blah that.....clean the water. We hear it all the time, and I agree with the idea of protecting our environment. I am not even talking from this standpoint in this instance however.
I am going to come from the standpoint of safety. As long as there are people driving there will be accidents. It is a fact of life, we are human, and mistakes will happen. Some accidents can be prevented. This inconsiderate (expletive deleted) passenger could have caused either me or the car behind me to drive into the ditch, or careen into another vehicle trying to avoid the rubbish they ejected. In other words this one act could have hurt someone. Now. I ask you this. What if in one of those vehicles..........the passengers......just happened to be a child. Maybe even your child. How would you feel about littering then. This has happened. And will happen again I'm sure. But it doesn't have to.
I make this call to everyone who reads this......If you see someone littering, ask them to stop. The life you save could be someone you love.
Until next time,
Peace
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
More of the same?
Of course it is!!! As my wife will happily tell you, I am not one to gripe, then move on immediately. Noooooooooooooooo......not me. Following the same line as yesterday, and in my celebration of anti-driver week, I couldnt stop thinking about why people can't seem to understand basic signs. I understand the reasoning of, well, if I dont outdrive you Ill never get where Im going. But I decided to investigate the true cause of all the madness. Now I think I have found my answer.
IT'S A GOVERNMENT PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It isn't the general publics fault after all.
This has been a public disservice announcement.
IT'S A GOVERNMENT PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It isn't the general publics fault after all.
This has been a public disservice announcement.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Where do stupid people come from?????????
First of all, let me start by saying hello to shane. I have enjoyed reading your blog (shane's apples and the new "rebirth") , hopefully I spelled those right. Glad you decided to stick around.
Now, when I was a young buck I did alot of crazy stuff. Im sure that I got on "grown folk's " nerves quite often. I did, however, have a sense of respect for most people. This doesnt seem to be the case with most of today's younger generation. For instance, I drive alot with my job and spend a lot of time in traffic. I can't tell you how many times I have almost been involved in accidents because of people not paying attention to the road, the stoplights, the speed limit (oh yeah!...its a speed limit people........not a SPEED SUGGESTION)
So the question is "where did all these stupid people come from and why is it against the law to kill them?"
Ok. Maybe they shouldnt be killed.......just flogged. Or is it that I am just getting old. Am I wrong to be so bothered because someone wants to drive, while combing their eyebrows in the vanity mirror during the slow scenes in the movie playing on their laptop dvd player that they are discussing on their cell phone with twenty of their friends on a party line? Is this just another step in my journey to the position of the old man driving to florida in the passing lane at 12 mph?
City driving can be stressfull. I know what a pain it is to be sitting at a light for ten minutes so I can be close enough to make it through the green light just to get to the next red light for a five minute wait and possibly make it to work before they hire someone else in my place. Sometimes I feel like pushing the cars in front of me right on through the light so I can get going. The lights are there for everyones safety, and now I submit everyone's relief. Yeah.....I said relief. Without a break, even professional nascar drivers succumb to fatigue and make mistakes. Unfortunately sometimes even deadly mistakes. If the pros do it, why do we think we can do better. So if anyone reading this just happens to be one of the guys racing to beat the light and thereby narrowly missing my truck, (I doubt it.....they dont have time to wait on a light much less stop to read anything) then please, take your turn at the stop light/sign. Enjoy a "S"mall "T"ime "O"f "P"eace.
Until next time, Peace
Grover
Now, when I was a young buck I did alot of crazy stuff. Im sure that I got on "grown folk's " nerves quite often. I did, however, have a sense of respect for most people. This doesnt seem to be the case with most of today's younger generation. For instance, I drive alot with my job and spend a lot of time in traffic. I can't tell you how many times I have almost been involved in accidents because of people not paying attention to the road, the stoplights, the speed limit (oh yeah!...its a speed limit people........not a SPEED SUGGESTION)
So the question is "where did all these stupid people come from and why is it against the law to kill them?"
Ok. Maybe they shouldnt be killed.......just flogged. Or is it that I am just getting old. Am I wrong to be so bothered because someone wants to drive, while combing their eyebrows in the vanity mirror during the slow scenes in the movie playing on their laptop dvd player that they are discussing on their cell phone with twenty of their friends on a party line? Is this just another step in my journey to the position of the old man driving to florida in the passing lane at 12 mph?
City driving can be stressfull. I know what a pain it is to be sitting at a light for ten minutes so I can be close enough to make it through the green light just to get to the next red light for a five minute wait and possibly make it to work before they hire someone else in my place. Sometimes I feel like pushing the cars in front of me right on through the light so I can get going. The lights are there for everyones safety, and now I submit everyone's relief. Yeah.....I said relief. Without a break, even professional nascar drivers succumb to fatigue and make mistakes. Unfortunately sometimes even deadly mistakes. If the pros do it, why do we think we can do better. So if anyone reading this just happens to be one of the guys racing to beat the light and thereby narrowly missing my truck, (I doubt it.....they dont have time to wait on a light much less stop to read anything) then please, take your turn at the stop light/sign. Enjoy a "S"mall "T"ime "O"f "P"eace.
Until next time, Peace
Grover
Monday, January 03, 2005
Welcome to Grover Street.
Hello there. Welcome to my blog. I have no clue what to write just this minute ..........this is all new to me. If you come back later maybe Ill have something here.........or maybe I wont. Ill just let that be a surprise and leave it at that.
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